A Study of Creation
by Secca Irises
Summary: Neku is never just a pawn in a game, and Joshua doesn't realize until the end that he's never really been in control. A series of drabbles, now collected into one place.
1. Creation

Neku realizes quickly that every song his headphones blast is new.

Never heard.

Unknown.

Strange.

It's chilling.

He feels in his gut that this music is not supposed to make him feel this way.

That music is never supposed to make him feel this way.

This gut feeling, more than anything, brings home the fact that something is wrong.

His past has been stolen from him, and all that Neku has left is his name, his clothing, and these songs.

…

The first thing Neku registers is a fast beat and wailing lyrics and it makes him feel – empty.

It doesn't register at first, but Neku's sure that music is supposed to make you feel something, he's more sure of that than he is his own name.

Music creates a world inside your head, and yet -

There's nothing there for him draw from.

Someone is calling.

Heh.

Sounds about right.

But, who?

…

Neku holds tight to the music, keeps the headphones on even as Shiki yells.

The music means something, even though the meaning is lost, and Neku holds tight to that.

Holds tight to the thought that he doesn't remember.

He doesn't want to forget this, too.


	2. Fees

**Fees**

It's the end of the second week, and things have finally calmed down.

Joshua is fine, his frequency re-tuned, his body easily healed.

It's time to take care of some business.

.

Neku's form is prone, "asleep" until the next day, when his third week begins.

Normally, the Conductor collects the entry fees, but Neku's special, his proxy, so Joshua does it himself.

Joshua doesn't need a pin to read minds.

There's a special spot in the mind, a room where everything one holds most dear is kept, and Joshua doesn't have much experience with locating it, but this is Neku's mind, and he doesn't have any trouble.

Joshua steps into the room, and comes face to face with himself.

.

Mr. Hanekoma is almost surprised to find Joshua in such disarray.

He asks about the entrance fee.

Joshua doesn't answer.

The Producer asks again.

He is told, finally, that the other players are to be Neku's fee.

All of them.

It's unorthodox, but the Boss is the Boss, so Mr. Hanekoma follows through.

.

Joshua isn't seen for a week.

There are some rules even he won't break.


	3. Inexplicably

**Inexplicably**

Joshua doesn't have as much to do these day, it would seem.

His Producer is painting images on walls, his Conductor was forcibly demoted, and his Proxy has gone back to the RG.

The games are normal again, and Shinuba is as normal it ever is.

Joshua's surprised to realize that for the first time, he's lonely.

.

Sometimes, Joshua finds himself inexplicably around Neku.

The Composer never seeks the former player out, but whenever he walks the streets, there's Neku, spiky hair no longer pulled down by oversized headphones.

Joshua can't be seen, of course, but sometimes Neku will look right at him, an odd expression on his face.

Joshua's heart always jumps.

Neku never says anything.

.

He's not human, not even close, but perhaps arrogance is a universal trait.

Neku spoke to him once, but hasn't since.

Joshua missed the first chance, and he won't take another unless he's invited.

.

Beat, Shiki and Rhyme are always so happy, so vibrant, and maybe it's only Joshua that notices how Neku doesn't connect with them any more.

It doesn't occur to Joshua that Neku doesn't want to hurt them when he leaves.

Joshua's perhaps more human than he knows.


	4. Silences

**Silences**

Mr. Hanekoma may be Joshua's friend, but he's also the Producer, and that means when the Angels give him a message, he passes it on.

Shibuya still doesn't have a conductor.

.

Joshua refuses to appoint anyone, not even Uzuki, and ignores her when she rants and complains.

He should just give in and choose Kariya.

He doesn't.

.

A few games later, Joshua enters the coffee shop to find Neku sitting at a table, watching the door.

The Composer sits down across from him, and neither speaks.

Mr. Hanekoma is nowhere to be seen.

Once, Joshua would have read Neku's mind, just because he could and Neku was his, but now he can't bring himself to do so even though the silence is agonizing.

Joshua doesn't allow himself to think about that.

Finally, Neku looks at him, even though Joshua really shouldn't be visible to anyone right now, not even other Reapers, and tells Joshua he'll do it.

What, Joshua asks, because seriously, what is his Proxy talking about, and maybe he should have read his mind anyway.

Neku explains.

Joshua's heart soars.

.

Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme don't see Neku again.

They aren't surprised.

Shibuya has a Conductor again.


	5. Calling

**Calling**

Neku's phone rings, and it's a few moments before he realizes that he doesn't recognize the number on the caller ID.

They're that of the Love Phone, that public phone booth where he'd found 777's mic, the phone that hopefuls use.

He flips the phone open, which answers the call, but Neku can't even think of bringing the device to his ear, and so it's finally Joshua's voice that pulls him back to earth, Joshua asking in an annoyed voice if Neku is there or not, dammit.

Slowly, Neku brings the phone up to conversing level, and asks Joshua why on earth he isn't using his cell.

Joshua doesn't answer for a moment, causing Neku's mind to race.

Why on earth would Joshua use a public phone, (_the_ public phone!) of all things, instead of his precious cell, other than to…

I lost it, Joshua suddenly mutters, low enough that Neku has to ask him to speak up.

There's a falling feeling in the pit of his stomach, and Joshua can hear it in Neku's voice.

What, he asks immediately, are you feeling well, because you have to, there's this thing tonight and you need to come.

The 'with me' is added a moment later.

Neku grins, and can hardly speak to say yes, of course, never felt better, what the hell is this thing, anyway.

It's a dinner, Joshua explains, for a bunch of Composers, and usually Hanekoma comes with, but after last time he refuses to and Joshua can't get out of it, not after…

Neku says yes, of course he'll go, and tries to make a joke about Joshua really not needing to claim his cell was lost in order to call from the phone booth.

What, Joshua asks, is this place significant?

Neku just laughs.


	6. Dancing

**Dancing**

Joshua is laughing, that high girlish giggle that sets Neku's nerves on edge.

I am going to kill you, Neku says, but that only makes Joshua laugh harder, and Neku didn't really mean it, anyway.

The Composer twirls, and the skirt flares out, and then he's holding out both his hands, beckoning Neku to dance.

Somewhere, Princess K is sighing happily, but Neku can't blame her, because he's hard pressed to not do the same.

Neku's wearing a dress covered in lace, and of course it's Joshua's fault, him and his comments and that _laugh_, and what the hell, there's no dignity left to save.

Neku takes the hand, and they dance, swaying back and forth to the sound of some sort of aristocratic rock, and if Neku ends up with his head on Joshua's shoulder, then that's his business, as is the kiss that follows a few moments later.

Joshua buys both of the outfits.

And even though the Princess shouldn't remember that week, shouldn't think she's ever seen these boys before in her life, she smiles at Neku and tells him Princess K approves as they walk out the door.

Somehow, Neku doesn't think she's talking about clothes.


End file.
